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Impatience and Faith…

See the Navy Federal in the corner. Rosa Parks as the stamp, you know I was distracted.

 

I am quirky and ill tempered sometimes and probably the most impatient person you will ever meet.  I pray quite often to God to help me on my patience.  He helps, but more times then I care to admit I mess up…frequently. 

Yesterday, when I got home as I journey the long way to my street to keep from passing the “boys” who don’t have jobs or lives who stand near the corner as if they actually live in the house where they are standing.  They don’t, so I avoid their asses because my patience with them is slowly but surely running out.  But that isn’t what this story is about.  When I pulled up into my driveway, I noticed my mailperson had the circulars folded into my mailbox all haphazardly.  When I get out the car, with my purse, book bag and bag of groceries, I head to my front door and try to grab the mail out, before going in the house.  Of course, I am unlocking the door with my hands full.  Typical impatient me.  Naturally, there is mail balled up in the bottom of my mailbox because the mailperson had to figure out how to get the circulars in the box as well and of course I couldn’t get those items so I had to put everything in the house and come back.  As I stand on my tippy toes to get the last advertising post card, I curse the mailperson. 

After I lock my door and take one more glance at the “boys” I do my usual and with the mail in my hands go to turn off the alarm.  On the way, I drop the mail out of the circular and of course I went to cursing, because that is what I do when I am frustrated and impatient.  Then I unlock my bedroom door; yes I lock my bedroom door now.  Don’t forget I was burglarized over a year ago and I am a victim of Identity Theft.  So as I throw the mail on my bed I notice the above envelop.  My heart skipped a short beat, until I noticed the handwritten address, which made me realize it was my sister’s handwriting.  I thought for a quick second the ID thieves were at it again.  So I go about my usual things in the house and return to my bedroom and look at the letter again.

I finally opened the letter and in it was a handwritten letter from my sister.  First of all, her salutation was Dear Sister and a check fell out of the letter.  And thinking about Navy Federal, I am assume my sister has sent her sister money from my stepfather’s account and she addressed it to the wrong person.  Then I was like, “How did she do that?”  As I read on I realized the letter was for me and the check, which I finally turned over was a cashier’s check to me.  I immediately started bawling.  And I cried for 10 minutes if not more.

You see living alone ain’t easy.  When repairs and all household duties fall on you and you have no back up, it is hard.  I don’t complain except when someone calls and asks me for money, because I don’t loan money I give it away if I have it and I haven’t been able to do that.  I can sit here and complain about the fact my paycheck on my full-time job is much less that it was 6 years ago or the cost of living has increased, but I want because I have prayed long and hard over the situation and frankly I gave it to God and He seems to think I am worthy because my bills are paid, I have a roof over my head and food in my house.  I saw the check as another moment when God showed up and showed out.

I haven’t done anything meaningful for myself in a long while.  And my sister commissioned me to first accept the money and then do something either for someone or myself, but making sure it would be something meaningful for me and in the name of my stepfather.  Most folks don’t know this but I do pay it forward frequently.  I have startled a few folks by paying for items, although not expensive things, it brings a smile to their face.  I also give things anonymously.  I do it because God has shown me over and over again I am worthy, even when I feel unworthy. So yesterday I cried because God hears my prayers, but I also cried because this was one of the final things my sister had to do regarding her father.  Her loss and her pain of losing her father will lessen over time, but her growth will continue and the letter and token are part of her growth.  Out of love for me she paid it forward and I plan to do the same. 

We both have been growing in our faith.  I still haven’t stepped into a church except for a funeral, but my Faith has been tested for well over a year and when I decided to believe in Him and recognizing His strength I have been blessed abundantly.  Not by material things, but spiritually and I am truly thankful.  So from my impatience of yesterday, I realized how blessed I am to have my family and Faith. 

Afterthought:  When I told my sister my reaction she laughed.  Typical because we tend to be melodramatic in this family.   And my sister’s blog is the Mad Black Sistah on my blog roll.  Have a wonderful weekend!

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4 thoughts on “Impatience and Faith…

  1. Loved this blog entry. I am like you in that I always pay it forward, even sometimes when I can’t afford to, but God has continuously let me know he’s got me by providing all my needs. I don’t attend church consciously as God has shown me that church today is a business and he’s not part of it, but guess what girl, Our relationship with the Father does not depend on our church attendance and it seems as though we are still being blessed. I’m happy for your recent blessing and wish you many more. Now I’m gonna scroll on over and see if your sister’s blog is as good as yours. Holla!

  2. What a beautiful blog about His unexpected blessings. He sees & hears all things and that alone gives me peace. Church attendance has nothing to do with our relationship with Him, you obviously know that as he knows our true hearts and motivations always. I will try to check out your sisters blog.

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