A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
Your brother likes to quote Langston Hughes, Mother To Son, as a mantra of his life, but we know our lives weren’t perfect, but our struggles do not compare to the real struggles of others. I am often reminded of this when I whine about things beyond my control, when I see others struggling with depression, mental illness, poverty, self-esteem issues or childhoods filled with abuse physical, sexual and mental. Our life wasn’t perfect, but our stairs were sturdy.
I have tried to live my life in a way that I didn’t continue the mistakes of my mother or of others I witnessed who went through pain of some type. I didn’t want the life of my mother because I saw the strained it placed on her to make a dollar out of fifteen cents, but she did. I didn’t want to look back in time and have the woulda, coulda and shoulda blues. I often feel my life would have been different if my mom’s family had allowed her to pursue her singing professionally, but the other part of me felt it would be another tragedy and my mom was on this earth for a short time for a reason. For that reason, I know she didn’t want me to follow in her footsteps. She didn’t want me to give up on my dreams. I really think she wanted all her children to just be happy.
As much as I have run away from the questionable decisions and detrimental mistakes, I still have bits of my mother running through my veins. I am cognizant of when I feel an overwhelming sadness cover me and I work twice as hard to move passed it. There have been times it was easier said than done, but I figured she was right there motivating me out of the funk. And I thank her.
I thank my Aunt Marie for the lessons she imparted on me and what her living taught me as a person. I wish I could have truly repaid her for all she did for me, my siblings and my mother. I am just so thankful I was able to make the time she had left here memorable and comfortable.
My life hasn’t been perfect, but it isn’t a tragedy in the making. I am in a good place now. I have dreams and goals, which I know I will not lose focus on achieving. If nothing else, I finish what I start. I have family, friends, The Guy and two jobs where I work with folks who care about me. I am loved. I am strong. I am imperfect. I live to read. My book club has giving me so much in return. God has given me strength and courage through difficult situations and frankly realizing he loves me despite my faults and shortcomings keeps me focused and grounded.
Through the losses and the gains, I wouldn’t change a thing for the experiences and what they have taught me. I have more living to do and hopefully in the near future some of goals will have been accomplished and the light within me will shine even brighter. So as I keep on being vain, I am so blessed to be among the living.
Love you most,
P.S. I wrote this from the heart and when I finished and reread the actual question I was like I ain’t changing nothing, because I love all that my life is and has been. Thanks for coming along for the ride of this challenge. I am so glad to be done. This thing had some good questions but sometimes it felt like I had to delve too far into situations and sometimes when one is in a good place you don’t want to dwell in the unhappy. I choose happy. The End!