It is my birthday! Yes, it surely is. And Monday night I was sick enough to think I wasn’t going to see 45. Shoot, as I was recovering the next day my cousins called me with these outrageous dreams they had about my house and when The Guy showed up last night when he pretty much stays in Atlanta during the week, I was like, “God, am I going to die?”
I woke up two mornings in a row and said, “Thank you Jesus, for waking me this morning. I didn’t know if I was gonna make it.” No really. I tell you what; thoughts of death will have you finding a new doctor ASAP. Mind you I have been trying to get an appointment before 2015 for several weeks. Referrals from friends weren’t panning out. However, my friend Mary S. found a new doctor so after so much disappointment; I decided to give her doctor a call. And sorry, when someone asked when do you want to come in, I get a bit weepy. Plus, feeling so bad the night before and with nary any sleep crying seems appropriate.
I feel tons better and turning 45 years old doesn’t seem to be the end of the world. And frankly, I didn’t want folks to remember my birthday except it being my born day. No plans for this birthday. I want a cupcake though. My middle niece just rapped, yes rapped me my yearly birthday song. Usually it is rock and roll, but today she did 16 bars and I was mighty impressed. Thank you Hunny Bunny! My sister said the visual with the hand motions had her weak. My oldest niece sang my birthday song in just the right time because I was going to whip her Thanksgiving for forgetting, but she remembered. Carson did me a video, y’all he said he loved me and would see me in the club. That right there…brought tears to my eyes. Now, Lala ain’t feeling me or my birthday, because her birthday is every day and you better recognize!
I am at a peaceful stage in my life where I am living for me and not for the thoughts of others. This incidentally is how I have been for many years. I pick my battles and I give my burdens to God. And baby, sometimes He might be side-eyeing me. No perfection here. There are things I could do better, like lose this extra weight. Let go of the anger I harbor for my brother. And do some real living instead of always working. And I am a work in progress, and I am getting there. It is just nice to wake up and just smile without worrying.
Folks are thinking about me. I mean my cousin called on yesterday to sing and wish me happy birthday and because I missed the call she left the musically rendition on my phone. I laughed, because of course she got the date wrong. Her sister called and started singing and I cut her off, love you boo, but let me be 44 for a couple more hours. LOL! My yard guy made my yard the envy of the neighborhood yet again, he didn’t call or text me, he just showed up and showed out. When I texted him to say thank you, you know what he did? He wished me an early birthday. That was sweet. His birthday is next week. My FB timeline is filling up with Happy Birthdays and my phone is blowing up…I am thankful folks are thinking about little older me.
So many bloggers are throwing in the towel and several of my favorites have said goodbye to the blogging community and are strictly on other social media outlets and it makes me sad. However, my blogging has never been for the comments or views but a journal of sorts of my hair journey and now of my quirky life. Yet, I understand why some bloggers just tired of doing it or life has interrupted the flow. I hope folks read what I write, but if they don’t I am 45 years old and all I can do is shrug. So as long as I have something to say, cook, do and read I will be here. Plus, where can I write this disjointed entry about turning 45 when I didn’t even think I would make it through Monday night? I am just saying… Oh and go check out Mad Black Sistah’s post about me and for the record I only tried to drown her once!
Just so you youngins know this is what 45 can look like…Vanity always shows up in my posts…