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My Illusive Christmas Spirit

             My tree, closer look next week…

Thanksgiving drained so much out of me trying to gear up for Christmas has been hard, y’all!  My house is decorated, I have already hosted the yearly holiday book club meeting, and I gifted the workers on my second job a tray of homemade cookies and received my final Christmas gifts in the mail on yesterday.

A couple of weeks ago, my cousin who normally hosts the Christmas dinner, called to tell me since her shoulder surgery, she just wasn’t capable of undertaking such a large event.  So, she decided she would cook at home for her family and I and everyone else should do the same.  What, now?  I listened to her and then I said, “Well, that makes things easier for you, but now I have to prepare food for two houses because I will see Carson on Christmas day.”  She hadn’t thought of that and she went to asking about me not fixing as much stuff, but I knocked all that down because if I have to prepare for two houses how can I not make the same amount of food?  Anyway, I told her I understood, but in actuality I didn’t.  How the hell you don’t feel like cooking but you are going to cook for your family and me?  You aren’t making sense!  Her sister offered to host it at her house and she just brings the ham, she vetoed the idea.  And when I heard about it, I just expressed that in all the 30 years I have been back in Montgomery, we have always ate Christmas dinner together with the family in town and I know my aunt would be disappointed in the events about to take place.  We only get together now twice a year Thanksgiving and Christmas, we were the Soul Food family, we ate Sunday dinner together every Sunday until my aunt got sick.  I don’t know but Christmas is my favorite holiday and not celebrating it together as a family, struck the wrong cord in my heart.

So contemplating and praying, I talked with my sister and decided I would throw out having dinner at my house, which is the family house, because one it will be decorated and clean.  And everyone just bring a dish, almost like Sunday dinner.  When I mentioned it to the other sister she loved the idea and even brought up starting back on our Sunday dinner tradition.  Um, I said no, because Sunday is my one rest day and I ain’t cooking every Sunday and I am peculiar about my house and some of my family ain’t, I am just saying.  So when my cousin called me about something offbeat, I offered up the suggestion and she cried.  Yeah, this whole thing was more than not feeling up to cooking, what it was I do not know exactly.  We agreed and the items she was cooking she will bring to the house.  It works for everyone because we will be together for a few hours.  And everyone must bring a dish.  She asked was I going to cook for everyone and I was like, um hell no.  I would have just hosted my book club meeting and it is pretty costly and to do a real dinner is costly as well.  And frankly I just don’t have the energy to do it.

So now you would think Christmas was running all threw my soul, but alas it isn’t.  I am just tired folks.  This anemia rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times.  It literally sucks the life out of you.  When I am not feeling the effects I am a busy machine, when it is showing out I am taking frequent breaks, which suck!  I am also dealing with some other emotional things going on in my life.  With so much negativity going on right now on television and social media, I have somehow allowed it to seep into my being and that is a no-go for the holiday season.  I have so much to be thankful for and God has truly blessed me in so many ways.  Although, everything isn’t perfect I still have a reason to smile.

So on this Christmas Eve, I declare to enjoy my family tomorrow before they get on my very last viable nerve, live in the moment and remember the reason for the season.  Until next week when I come back rambling about what I have been up to these last two weeks…Merry Christmas!

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